How to ease the kindergarten jitters

A-PLUS ADVICE FOR PARENTS
By Leanna Landsmann

Q: Our son Adrian is starting kindergarten. He was excited but now is in a panic and doesn't want to go. He has been in day care and did well on all the kindergarten tests except self-control. My mother says send him to pre-K, since he would be the youngest in his kindergarten. Is that a good idea?

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A: Stick with the kindergarten plan. Kindergarten jitters are completely natural. Most kids, even those who have experienced separation, worry about how they'll fare in their new environment.
There are easy ways to help him get over his worries, says kindergarten teacher Robin Obey from North Bellmore, N.Y.

• Read books about starting kindergarten: There are many wonderful stories that capture feelings that he might be having, says Obey. "This will help him see that others have concerns too." Bookstores carry a large collection of "starting school" titles, and librarians will have them at the ready this time of year.

• Some of Obey's favorites: "Timothy Goes To School," Rosemary Wells (Puffin, 2001); "Will I Have A Friend?," Miriam Cohen (Star Bright, 2009); "Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready For Kindergarten," Joseph Slate (Puffin, 2001); "The Night Before Kindergarten," Natasha Wing (Scholastic, 2001); "Countdown To Kindergarten," Allison McGhee (Voyager, 2006); "Wemberly Worried," Kevin Henkes (Greenwillow, 2000); "The Kissing Hand" Audrey Penn (Tanglewood, 2007); "Tiptoe into Kindergarten," Jacqueline Rogers (Cartwheel, 2003).

• Sleuth out his concerns: Children entering kindergarten wonder about things parents may assume they already know, such as "How will I get to school?," "How long do I stay?," "Will I be able to play?," "Are my friends there?," "Where will I go after school?" and so on. The more detail you show and tell, such as driving the route to the school, the better.

• Visit the school: If possible, go to his classroom. Show him the cafeteria and gym, walk the halls, check out the bathrooms (and how to flush those noisy toilets!) "In some schools, you may even be able to say a brief hello to the teacher prior to the first day," suggests Obey. If you can't get into the building, visit the playground and tell him about your first day of school.

• Work on self-control: Find opportunities to model and describe problem solving, says Obey. "Give positive reinforcement when Adrian seeks attention appropriately and waits for his turn patiently. Look for things he can do to take on some responsibilities, such as helping to set the table, unpack groceries, make his school lunch, and lay out his clothes. These activities develop independence and self esteem."

• Show enthusiasm and stay positive: "While acknowledging his fears, you must continue to show excitement about starting kindergarten," says Obey. Children pick up on parents' feelings, and if you and your mother question his readiness, it will only serve to reinforce his own hesitancy.

• Remember, it's a transition:  Let his teacher know his concerns and what you're doing to ease them, but don't hover at school. During the first month or so, avoid over-scheduling Adrian. Make sure he gets enough rest and free play to balance the structure of kindergarten. And don't forget to ask him those all-important questions: What did you learn today? Who did you meet today? What did your teacher tell you today? You'll be building his language skills along with his self-confidence!