Among the many problems and challenges parents have to cope with as their children grow up is bullying and being bullied.
Bullying in the 21st century has changed significantly since you or your parents were children. The old advice about bullying that went along the lines of "fight back" or "stand up for yourself" doesn't work anymore in a world where we worry about children and teenagers bringing knives and guns to school, or bringing them to an after-school fight.
If face-to-face verbal or physical intimidation wasn't bad enough when today's parents were children, now there's a new bullying vehicle: the internet and cellphones! Now, our children can be bullied over Twitter, Facebook, through chat rooms, instant messages, e-mail and websites. What in the world is a parent to do to make sure their child is not a bullying victim and getting their feelings of overall safety and self-esteem battered by classmates or neighborhood children?
Last year, the family of a teenager attending a Milford High School sued the school district in Clermont County Common Pleas Court because they say their son was being extensively bullied and sexually harassed by fellow players on his basketball team, along with girls at the school.
The suit cited 18 examples, of what it says were incidents of bullying by both high school boys and girls. Two basketball players were convicted of bullying and harassing another student at the school and sentenced to 40 hours of community service.
Also in 2008, Kentucky Governor Steve Beshear signed the "Golden Rule Act" into law, which changed the legal definition of harassment to include behavior that includes physical harm, intimidation or humiliation against fellow students. The new law calls for school districts to develop codes for acceptable behavior, along the lines of the biblical rule, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
No matter how your child is being bullied, the first thing to know is that they (and you) are not alone. Tens of thousands of children, teens and young adults continue to be bullied by others every year. The U.S. Department of Education and Justice Department report that in 2007, 32 percent of students between 12 and 18 years of age reported being victims of bullying. That number is slightly higher than those who reported bullying the year before.
Other studies indicate that children and teen-agers are concerned and worried about bullying. A 2003 Harris poll of 8 to 17 year old girls that was commissioned by the Girl Scouts of the USA, found that bullying topped girls' list of safety concerns. What the girls in the survey worried about the most? Being socially ostracized, made fun of and being teased.
Unlike our parents and grandparents, we have have more information indicating that continued bullying can have immediate negative emotional and physical effects on its victims as well as longer lasting effects as well. A number of studies find that children who are bullied are more likely to suffer from lower self-esteem, higher rates of depression, loneliness, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts. School attendance and academic work of bully victims often suffers.
Victims of frequent bullying are often found to be more likely to suffer many health problems, like headaches, sleeping problems and stomach ailments. Adults who were frequently bullied are more likely to be depressed and have low self-esteem.
It's not just bully victims who suffer. It appears those who bully get hurt, too.
Reports indicate that children who bully others are more likely to grow up and take part in anti-social, violent or troubling behavior. The problem of bullying is considered serious enough now that the federal Department of Health and Human Services has even set up a web site talking about it to children, teenagers and their parents.
